Annoying things that runners say and what they mean

1.        PR = Personal Record

(I’ll never win anything of any significance nor will I make any money running, but if I focus on “beating my previous best time” it’ll somehow impress you and that will be enough)

2.       I’m just going to get my run in, then I’ll meet you there

(What’s wrong with you?!  Can’t you schedule stuff around my running schedule?  Why don’t you get my running schedule by now?!  Seriously, it’s run, then run, then run, then run.  How ‘bout next time you want to schedule us to meet somewhere, you start by asking me what time I’ll be finished running!  Jerk!)

3.       You want to get together on Saturday?  Oh… um… what time?  I think that might give me enough time to get a 15 miler in

(Let’s get this straight… you want to do something on Saturday, which has always been reserved for runs longer than you can ever imagine running in your life.  For years now, Saturdays have been reserved and build around these runs, yet you think that drinking bad beer and eating hot dogs should preclude this epic event.  OK then, fine, I’ll reduce my mileage on Saturday- probably getting fat as a result- just to accommodate your lack of respect for my running needs)

4.       Miler

(While I could just say 5 miles, I sound a lot more like a professional runner throwing down significant training miles if I call the whole event a miler)

5.       barefoot “shoes”

(This is just me showing you that I’m hip to the latest trend.  No, I’m not really running sans shoes, but I want to believe I am, so I put on shoes and say that I am.  Really they’re called minimalist shoes.  In all honesty, though, these type of shoes have been around for a long time called Racing Flats, which are just light-weight flat shoes that make you go faster.)

6.       Have you read Born to Run?

(You probably haven’t.  If you say “no” your best bet is to immediately follow up with this line, “But I plan to, so please don’t give away any of the story”- this very line will save you at least an hour of your life.  If you confess you’ve never heard of the book, you might as well grab a snack and camp out for a while- you will learn all about the Tarahumara and Caballo Blanco and Barefoot Ted and all sorts of stuff you never knew you cared about.)

7.       Can’t wait for track in the Olympics!

(When I run, I imagine myself as one of these athletes… if a sub-8 minute mile was impressive to anyone but me.  My speed work is done at a pace that these people walk.  I will never be like them.  I may act like I’m analyzing their form, but their form is irrelevant to me.  If I watch them enough, I think that I might become one of them, but we all know that will never happen.)

8.       Speed Work

(Which brings us to the phrase Speed Work.  It just means that we try to run really fast for short periods of time in order to get below an 8 minute mile.  We’ve read or heard somewhere that this will increase quick-snap muscles and increase our VO2 max… but seriously, we don’t know what any of that means.  Please don’t challenge us on it, because we’ll just make up stuff that sounds like we know what we’re talking about.  In other words, don’t encourage it, just nod and smile.)

9.       Tempo Run

(Sounds like we’re tearing up the road at a rock and roll tempo.  All it really means is that we are practicing a pace that will help us PR at our next running event.  It’s best not to ask what that goal will be unless you really want to hear a lot about it)

10.   BQ = Boston Qualifying Time

(This is the finishing time in a previous marathon that a runner must beat in order to even be allowed to try to register and pay to participate in the next Boston Marathon.  The time is based on your age and gender and is therefore different for each group of people.  For me, I’d have to be able to run sub-7 minute miles for the entirety of the marathon, which isn’t happening anytime soon)

11.   You know that part in “Chariots of Fire” when the…

(This actually applies to any question about a movie that tells the story of a famous runner or running event.  Believe me, your best response is, “Oh yes, I remember that” OR “Don’t spoil it for me, I’m planning to watch that movie soon”)

12.   If I can run this distance, anyone can!

(Not entirely true.  You know it and I know it, but if I’m saying it, it’s probably because I’m on a runner’s high and not thinking about the people who really can’t run.  A smart, intuitive runner will simply encourage people to challenge themselves in ways that interest them and continually push their own boundaries.  This doesn’t have to be in running, it can be with anything.  What a runner is really saying is, you can do anything you work hard to accomplish.)

13.   I lost ____ pounds running

(This isn’t really a true statement.  Exercise is one, relatively small, part in the equation for weight loss.  What you eat is significantly more important than exercising.  In fact, exercising increases your caloric burn which makes you want to eat more, so it’s best to get your eating under control and build up strength before starting to run.  It’s not so important that you run- which does burn calories faster-  but it is more important that you get some exercise.  Again, though, you won’t lose the weight running or exercising, so to speak, but by eating and resting well in addition to an exercise program that you enjoy.)

14.   Body Glide and Chafing

(It’s best not to ask about this, because you don’t want to know.  Body Glide is just one of many products to reduce skin chafing which can happen anywhere, anywhere that skin rubs up against skin or fabric.  Just don’t ask the runner to go on about it- get him or her vasoline or something like it if they tell you they left their Body Glide at home.)

15.   Carbs

(You’ll hear more about this when the runner is in the final training stages before a marathon.  Carbohydrates are quick energy and your body can store enough to carry you through about 20 miles, but then you’ll need more.  Carbs are generally considered bad in simple or large quantities, but before a big race, they are considered golden and runners are encouraged to indulge.  In general though, these are better in more complex varieties and in moderation.)


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